OK, so I "met" a guy on Facebook Dating. He is super cute and handsome etc., blah blah blah (but will he keep me warm in the middle of the night?). You know the rest. The conversation was going well. We talked about teddy bears and cats and other wonderful things. Lar-de-dar. Hearts and flowers. 😍
Until he casually drops the bomb "by the way"... It turns out that he has a boyfriend. Oh. 😨
Either, I could respond super-pissed, jealous and negative. Or, I could show that I am an honest man by using this as an opportunity to gain insight and knowledge. To find out what he is looking for. To explore his motivation for being on a dating app in the first place.
30 Apr, 13:22
Mirroring = matching emojis (😅) and tone of voice to the person who I am speaking to.
30 Apr, 13:55
At this point, I found myself at a crossroads. My first instinct was to say something like "I am not sure that we are looking for the same things!" Like Sonia advised on 15/05/2019. That way, I might have protected myself in the short-term but not armed myself in the long-term. My curiosity got the better of me.
I realised that this was like a little test from the Universe. Remembering to practise what I preach regarding defining an external situation by how I respond to it internally. I did not need to engage with any negativity as this might kill the atmosphere. I needed to draw as much positivity out of it as I could. That meant not commenting on his answer but giving the purest, sincerest and most honest answer in return. Showing him who is boss. 🤠
The other aspect is: if he has a boyfriend and if he is using Facebook Dating to cheat on his boyfriend, that does not need to be my problem. The only way in which I might have let it become my problem is if he had acted dishonestly with me (like Lalo) by letting me think that there was something between us that no-one else had. Tricked me into falling in love. Wrenching me. But he has not. He has acted transparently. If anything, he is putting himself in a vulnerable position in trusting me with the knowledge that he has a boyfriend. Knowing that if he crosses me, there is the chance that I could tell the boyfriend. If we played out this trajectory to the most extreme level. I do not need to worry about the fact that he has a boyfriend. That is his business. It is his lookout if he has decided to pursue someone else (me) when he already has a boyfriend. Of course, this could play out in another way completely, one that is less serviceable to my interests. I might remain mindful that this scenario could potentially lead to another disappearing act if the boyfriend decided to intervene. What will I do to ensure that never happens? Use this as an opportunity to gather as much information as possible. Add him on all social media channels (or entice him to do the adding). Sit back and watch the fireworks fly.
Initially, I thought about writing: "I am looking for hugs, kisses and someone to keep me warm at night". But by revealing too much of myself, too soon, I might put myself in a vulnerable position. A position in which I might unintentionally bring about a disappointment or a rejection. By asking out of my comfort zone. I could still act honestly without giving away too much of myself. Find an answer that allows him to do some speculating and interpret how he wishes.
My thoughts took me back to the words of Joyce Meyer and the actions of Princess Diana. Attack the world with love. How to put this into words? Take Jesus' advice. Drop the "L" word. Without fear. Let him interpret it in whichever way he wishes without expecting something tangible back from him. Maintain my position of control.
Then, I realised that I have already written those words in a song: Místico. "All that he ever wanted was to love and be loved in return". Which was probably inspired by Nature Boy.
Hmmm, I am not convinced by his vague, non-committal answer. That is OK. It sounds like he is not taking this seriously enough for me? Maybe. Maybe not. Perhaps my expectations are too high?
In ERD's words: gaga?
What am I going to do about it? I think that I will play him at his game and give him a vague, non-committal answer in response. To show that I am doing him the courtesy of responding but stepping back from the situation ever so slightly to safeguard my comfort. My personal happiness must be my number one priority.
Like my MH Champion mentioned on 03/12/2020, if I pretend that I do not care, they always end up coming back for more.
At this point of the conversation, I was OWNING IT. 💪💪
I think that I said more in one message than had been said in the entire conversation:
Rory: I'm based in Vauxhall.
Again, stepping back ever so slightly. Let him do the asking.
Fair enough. It seems like he has twigged the slight stepping back.
He might be seeing if I am true to my intentions of wishing to be notified when he is in town. Again, let him think that I have nothing better to do. Play myself down. Play it down. Keep it light and friendly. 😅
I love the irony of this whole situation. How it coincides perfectly with the advice that I am giving to my friend. Better take my own medicine.
Rory spent the first few years of his life in an ice cave, carving out his palace of wonder. He's a bit of a love doll, but he who melts the ice shall have his reward.
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I have been recommended to acknowledge and process all that I have been though, where it all started from how it has affected me.