Last night, I decided to follow up with Dan. Originally, I was going to leave it until the weekend. But I met up with Andy (the Andy who talked me through the Sid situation - Read More: 13/09/2021 ). I told Andy that Sid has not contacted me in 3 weeks.
[15:32, 01/09/2021] Sid 🔥: How are you doing today lovely ? 🤗
Why do I always find myself in these situations? Where the guy leads me on only because they want to sleep with me? We have sex and then it is "bye bye". There was something that Georgia said to me on 25/07/2021 about clearing my vibration. I might explore that.
I discussed it with one of the girls at the party (Georgia). Georgia told me that if I am not cleansing my energy, my energy attracts the wrong types of guy. This is why I have found myself in 1 (potentially 2) abusive relationships within the same month. She advises me to take a break from dating, cleanse myself of the negative energy that I have acquired / am acquiring from these 2 guys. And start afresh once I have raised my vibration.
I have asked CB for Georgia's details.
[20:11, 07/10/2021] Rory Duffy: Hey darling, would you mind passing me Georgia's details? Or pass my details to her? I would like to pick up my conversation with her that I had at your birthday party. How are you doing?
Meanwhile, I wrote the tabbed message to Dan.
All along, I have had this feeling that the answers that I need are not inside someone else. That they are already within me. I simply need to find them.
Despite this, I think that it is reasonable for me to ask the question. If I have that option (by virtue of Facebook), I might as well use it. If those words "is this the furthest that you have ever got with a guy?" have stuck in my head for many years. I wanted to explore the relationship between those words and my perceived "fear" of / resistance towards sex and intimacy.
[22:39, 21/10/2019] LV: But you seem have problems with sex
[07/07/2021, 13:50:05] Sam: <attached: 00000893-AUDIO-2021-07-07-13-50-05.opus>
Lately, Rob alleged that we did not have sex. In my mind, we did. 2x. All of these things have got me thinking. When did my apparent complex about sex start? Did it start with Dan? Or did it originate before him? Is it related to my ASD / Social Anxiety? If Rob is autistic and more tactile than me, this makes me less convinced that it is the autism at play.
Why do I feel hurt or "used" after sexual and/or intimate encounters? Why do I experience such a profound Love Hangover? Is it hypersensitivity? Or is it because I have an eidetic (photographic) long-term memory? Such that I find it more challenging than most to "let go" (because I remember all of the details)? Are these characteristics linked to my autism?
[20:46, 07/10/2021] CB: She’s having a hard time
OK, maybe I might have been too quick to judge.
I sent this to Dan. I have put everything else on pause while I sort myself out.
In retrospect, I would have put "I will not bore you with the details" before "Fortunately". It might have come across a little warmer. I also used the word "more" too many times and might have said "withdraw even further" instead. But, as with all messages: once they are sent, they are sent.
Yesterday at 11:07 PM
Rory spent the first few years of his life in an ice cave, carving out his palace of wonder. He's a bit of a love doll, but he who melts the ice shall have his reward.
332 Brixton Road
Samaritans, 24 hours, on 116123 or email:
I have been recommended to acknowledge and process all that I have been though, where it all started from how it has affected me.