I had to prioritise the songs that he gave me. It was an interesting experience but I did not enjoy it that much. And I do not want to be doing it every Saturday. It is not really me. I am a sax player, not a DJ. I did not mind the RnB, hip hop and Reggaeton but I hated the dance and pop.
I thought that it was going until 11 pm? I must have been shattered. It was 9-midnight. He got the timings wrong. 🙄 The upshot: I had to wait around for an extra hour. Probably because he never writes things down or deals with written contracts / agreements. Which causes confusion and misrepresentation. Of course, there is no point telling him that. It is neither his interest nor his concern.
From: Rory Duffy
Woodins Shades DJ Gig
Checklist – before the day
Use this as a rough guide (take it with a pinch of salt) but try to adapt and judge by the room’s response.
Try to reserve the big hits for towards the end.
JLDJ Dance Pop (2 hours 17 minutes) – initial set
JLDJ RnB Pop (1 hour 22 minutes) – core set
JLDJ Additional (21 minutes)
JLDJ Spanish (18 minutes)
JLDJ Hip Hop (21 minutes)
Just got off the phone with John. He does not like me emailing him. He has asked me to do it again next Saturday, but that if I really hate it, he will not force me to do it. He wanted me to give it another try. I feel uncomfortable about it.
Am I worried that he will be offended? I do not think that this would be an issue. The problem is that I am able to do the gig but I do not want to because I do not particularly enjoy it. I will go to the gym now. I am feeling exhausted.
[1:48 pm, 14/11/2021] Rory Duffy: Thanks for your understanding.
Here are 3 negative points that I picked up on in the phone call.
Anyway, I explained myself on the phone as best as I could. And I said that I would WhatsApp him the email that I sent last night because I put a lot of thought and time into it. And for my sanity and peace of mind, it is important. I am beyond caring. I pinged it to him and went to the gym. I was half expecting a rude, aggressive "shouting down the banana phone" call. Like "if you have something to say, come and TALK to me!" The quintessential Neurotypical response. And at that point, I would think "fuck this". And casually say: "I do not think that this scenario is working for us anymore. Let us call it quits. I do not think that our profession relationship is working conductively for both of us. Which is fine. I will invoice you for last night and we can draw a line under it. If you are able to pay me for last night, that would be tremendously helpful."
But it has been all afternoon and I have received no response as yet. Either to the long message. Or to the Word / PDF itinerary document.
From: Rory Duffy
[0:22 pm, 14/11/2021] Roger:
My parents have advised me to "vote with my feet". They have echoed the thoughts of me and of my friend Roger, in stating that I do not need this gig. I have plenty of other stuff going on. Such as my music business. I have my own gigs (that pay more and are a lot less hassle). I do not need to freelance.
I am half-tempted to write to John again now and simply walk away from the whole situation. But that would be going against my principles. I have already agreed to do one more next Saturday 20th November. There was an agreement. If I did the above, I would be going back on my agreement. And that is a very un-Rory thing to do.
That is not to say that John would not back out on his agreement. On the phone, he assured me that if I still hate it by next Saturday, he would not force me to do it. Noted, with thanks. I could always remind him that he said that if he performs a U-turn.
There is also the possibility that John might not pay me by next Wednesday. In which case, I would have grounds to walk away. But I am not going to approach the situation assuming that this is what would happen. That might be a negative manifestation. Another lesson learned.
Instead, I have set out some rules. To help me measure, gauge and test the waters. Listen to actions not words. Indeed, a payment date has not been mutually agreed. But by sending an invoice with a pay date of Wednesday (the day before another gig that I am doing for him on sax), it puts the onus back on him to pay up. Otherwise, I will not show up. If he does not pay, I do not play. If he does not play by the rules, there can be no gig. Simple as that.
I think that I have the upper hand in this negotiation. 😏
If it did ever come to that, I would steer clear of exhibiting nasty, cold or aggressive behaviour. I would calmly and apologetically state that I cannot continue under the current circumstances and ask him to let me know if he needs me to find a replacement saxophonist / DJ. I have plenty of recommendations and web links of musicians / DJs who might be less lenient than me (and demand more money!). I would also offer to drop off his adapter at number 55 (the cafe where we are supposed to be playing on Thursday - he has not even given me the timings) on my way back from work. And I could even offer to pay him back for the coffee that he bought me last night, if I were feeling generous enough. Those moves would let me off the hook and I would no longer need to worry. Sure, there is always the risk that I might not be paid for the work that I carried out last night. Having said that, there was never a contract in place for that work. So, in my mind, there was never a definitive, provable agreement or evidence of breach. It was simply a learning experience. At the end of the day, if nothing else, I have learned a new skill. I have a full, paid copy of MainStage. Perhaps I could learn to DJ on my own terms? In my own time, of course.
At face value, I have sent the last message. Regardless of whatever happened on the phone. I am sure of the following:
But let us see what happens... Watch. Observe. At least, I know that there is a possibility that I might only have to do one more. And that if I did have to do it one more time, I would do it having been paid for last night. The worst that could happen is that I might not be paid for last night's work. Whatever. I am not losing sleep over £100. My mental health is more important.
From: Rory Duffy
London Gay Society
Yesterday evening, before the gig, DJ John (who happens to be the founder of "London Gay Society") asked me how things were going with the Meetup groups. I almost spilled about the conversation that I have been having with Gustavo. I said to John something along the lines of "wait until I tell you about the London Gay Society drama that has been happening this week". But immediately, a little warning bell tinkled in my mind. Telling me that it might not be sensible to divulge to John my Facebook conversation with Gustavo. It is neither his business nor his concern anymore. John has walked away from the whole Meetup world.
Too late! John asked me if there were any problems with "Gus". Quickly, I backtracked that I did not wish to burden John with it. I acknowledged how he had walked away from the whole Meetup world. In addition to realising that my conversation with Gustavo is neither John's concern nor his business, it occurred to me that John might have a problem with my intention to rebrand "London Gay Society" when he came up with the name originally. Despite his resistance to be involved, he might still retain some personal investment in that name. He might perceive my proposal to rebrand as a "betrayal" of his legacy. And AJ's coercion to rename the Meetup group as "bullying". Which might put me in an awkward, "torn" position between the two of them. My conscience told me that it might be best to remain tight-lipped and not divulge anything to John about what was about to go down.
John did not enquire any further, other than to insist that we sit down for a coffee and talk about it. Although we sat down for a coffee, I think that his mind was taken up more with the DJ gig that I was about to do. What a convenient distraction. Maybe he simply does not care about the Meetup group. But there is still a slight risk that John might ask Gustavo about me and that Gustavo might divulge. They know each other.
Incidentally, when John phoned me up last Thursday to offer me the gigs, I was half-expecting this to have already happened. And for the reason of the phone call to be John wanting to discuss it with me. Rather than offering me a gig. I was bracing myself to be interrogated about my conversation with Gustavo
As I was working out in the gym today, I thought to myself that the John situation and the AJ situation are beginning to coalesce perfectly and ironically this coming week. It is fate! Gustavo has not responded to my pertinent question of whether we are the same group. John is exhibiting increasingly toxic and shady behaviour. I feel like he neither listens to my concerns or value my input (despite his attestation that he does, I am observing his actions). Which gives me more reason to rebrand "London Gay Society" as "Queer Lifestyle". Take the whole group with me. Disassociate it from what was before. Gustavo can sort out his own mess separately (should AJ ever contact him). And in the meantime, I would be able to go back to AJ and reassure him that I have done as he requested. Which would put me back in his good books. 😇
I do not want / need the name "London Gay Society". I could transform it into something better. Leave "London Gay Society" behind me. I am beginning to believe in AJ's story regarding his negative experience in that group. Although he did not name anyone, I am beginning to have my suspicions.
There is no need to mention this to AJ, of course. At least, not initially. I could always recount the sax / DJ'ing debacle to him on New Year's Eve. Once any residual drama and rawness has subsided. If I am not banned from his group by then. Which is still a slight possibility given that I have not yet acted upon AJ's request to change the name (and I have heard stories of him banning other members)..
I am starting to hope that they will not pay me by Wednesday. This will give me the get out clause. I am beyond caring about the money. I just want out for the sake of my mental health. And that will also give me the ticket to rebrand London Gay Society.
Wednesday. Wednesday is the day to act this coming week.
06 NOV, 07:00
SEED. PLANTED. 🌱
Rory spent the first few years of his life in an ice cave, carving out his palace of wonder. He's a bit of a love doll, but he who melts the ice shall have his reward.
332 Brixton Road
Samaritans, 24 hours, on 116123 or email:
I have been recommended to acknowledge and process all that I have been though, where it all started from how it has affected me.