Last night, I went crazy on WhatsApp. I do not understand what is wrong with me. Why would I take not getting into a nightclub so personally? Why did I find it so triggering? Was the Universe protecting me? Had I managed to get in, I might have seen Hafyz and felt even more triggered and anxious. I am delicate and vulnerable. I am not ready to go into Heaven. I might see people from my past. Who knows? I might bump into Avi. The holy grail.
I am OK with parks and bars. But maybe Heaven is just a step out of my comfort zone. I find it difficult enough meeting gays who I tried to hit on at other Meetup events.
Did Hafyz talk to Megan? Did he pull another bloke? What happened? Right now, I am feeling insecure.
How am I feeling? I feel shit. I do not understand why I am always getting myself into these ridiculous situations. Or putting myself out of my comfort zone. The one part of me feels like I should apologise to Jenny, Megan, Donni and all of the WhatsApp group for going off on one. The other part of me says that I do not need to apologise at all. I needed to talk. I am not receiving the support that I need. So, I am splitting myself across multiple people.
Just realised that I went crazy on WhatsApp. Was I drunk? Yes, but it was more than that. I was emotional. Clearly, I took it personally. I do not think that I said anything bad but maybe it was just a bit over the top and a little extreme. What happened? They did not let me into Heaven. I was turned away at the queue. Why? Because I had no ID.
[16:14, 05/10/2019] Rory Duffy: All my bank cards, club cards, provisional driving license, tog office group card plus about £50 🙄
Do they ask it for everyone or was it because I did not look old enough? Not sure. I did not even speak to them. Megan spoke to them. They gave me a sidelong look and shoved me away. Charming. This seems to happen often with bouncers and nightclubs etc. They see me too vulnerable. Or maybe I look too young.
Rob says that I do not look vulnerable. I do. 😭
Not to him.
People have been saying that to me, that I look "sad and vulnerable". Who said that? Some dude who I met at the Cock Tavern 1.5 weeks ago. Why do I listen to strangers? Because I think of them as manifestations. Rob hates it when people make personal comments. What did I reply? I took it to heart and agreed with him. Was I into him? No, I think that he was into me, though. Rob would have walked away, but it depends on how he said it. He said it in a caring way. That is a bit nicer.
What did I do after Heaven? Did Megan go in? Yes, Megan went in. I walked home. And poured out my heart and soul in a WhatsApp group. I feel a bit embarrassed about it. Rob would have stayed with me. I know that he would have. I did not feel safe. I felt unsafe. Why? Were they aggressive? Yes, they were aggressive. But I was also left on my own. And I did not have anyone to talk to except on WhatsApp.
Do I find clubs intimidating? Yes, I do. I think that, in future, I will just do the early meet and go home. I am OK with parks and bars. Even Latin / salsa nightclubs are OK, too. But maybe Heaven is a step outside of my comfort zone. And the Universe was protecting me. What do I mean? I believe that things happen for a reason. Situations and experiences teach us important lessons about ourselves. Nice philosophy. Protecting me from what? Hafyz. Or any of the other "demons" in that nightclub.
[22:34, 14/08/2021] Rory Duffy: No I’d
[22:59, 14/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Going home
[23:17, 14/08/2021] Rory Duffy: He said…
[22:38, 14/08/2021] Donni: Hi Rory
[00:10, 15/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Hey Pancho, I didn't make it to Heaven. They made a judgement about me and turned me away. They didn't like me. Basically, I got mugged on 05/10/2019 because I felt insecure about having kissed a guy, and now I am still paying the consequences for it. No ID. No entry. This is the culture nowadays. They judge and abuse. No word in edge way. I am staying well clear of night clubs.
Do I remember when I was chucked out of Ruby Blue Bar and thrown down 3 flights of stairs? When was this? 02/05/2015. It was a homophobic attack. What happened? The bouncer grabbed me from behind. Instinctively, I shook him off me. They took that as an attack. I thought that I was not out then. I was, just not on the gay scene. Was I hurt badly? Yes, I was bruised all up my arm. Did I complain? I did, but not well. I reacted to it in an extreme way. Why did he grab me? I do not know why. What did I do? I wrote a stupid long email, which I have since dissected into 15 reasons why I did not get my money back (see tabbed). Keyboard Warrior. I am not. Did I tell the police? I should sue them. I could not. They had CCTV. They said that I was drunk. Even though this happened at 2 am after I had stopped drinking at 10 pm and had been drinking water since then. Did I fall down the entire three flights of stairs? Every time I got up, they threw me forwards. All that I remember is the force of being thrust forwards. What was their reason? I spent too long in the bathroom. They might have thought that I was drug dealing. Like in Enter The Void. What is that? A psychological thriller movie. The guy goes into the cubicle to flush his drugs. He gets shot. The rest of the movie is spent following his ghost, perceiving the world from his standpoint. It is quite traumatic. It is a genius movie but difficult to watch.
From: Rory Duffy
Did the incident affect me quite badly? The Ruby Blue Bar incident? Yes, I suppose that it did. But it was not only about being chucked out of a nightclub. The aggression? It was more than that. It was how I responded to it, which scared me. Was I aggressive, too? There was a guy involved. What guy? His name was Lalo. A boyfriend? He was my flatmate. Just moved in. That night, he randomly kissed me and it took me by surprise. It sent me off in a spin. My emotions were all over the place. So, I think that this might have been seen by the security and this was their motivation for kicking me out. Because this all happened in the nightclub. What happened with Lalo? He disappeared for two weeks. Then came back to the flat with his boyfriend. In Stockwell? Yes. That is a shame. I told the boyfriend what happened. In front of Lalo. What did the boyfriend say? At the time, he just laughed. But then he messaged me two months later. Saying what? He asked me what did happen.
7/4/15, 5:13 PM
What else has been happening? On Friday, I was added to another WhatsApp group. By a guy called Paul M. The WhatsApp group is called "Brothers & family chat". Initially, I asked to be removed. Soon afterwards, I realised that this group could be useful for boosting the guest lists for my Meetup events. So, I posted the link to the Twilight event.
I was privately messaged by another guy called Paul who lives up in Halifax. He asked me to call him. I thought "what harm could this be?" It seemed like he felt lonely and wanted a chat. I can relate to that. No judgement from me. He is suffering from depression. I asked him if he had any family or friends. I asked him questions like how he was feeling yesterday in relation to today and whether he could give it a score out of ten. I offered to send him some links to some mental health services. I told him that I have been there. And that he is not alone. I asked him what his plans are for the evening. He said that he was going to have a shower and then go out and meet some people in the local pub. I commended him for that. It sounded like a good idea for him to go out and talk with people rather than sitting at home ruminating. He kept asking me to video call him. I said that this was triggering for me. He said that I could jump on a train to Halifax and stay over with him if I wanted. I told him that I am a musician and occasionally gig around the country. I said that I had performed in Halifax before and that next time that I am in that area, I will definitely give him a shout. But he seemed quite forceful and insistent about us having a video chat. It felt a little strange.
After the phone call, we exchanged the tabbed messages. In which he asked if I am top or bottom. I acted firm, tough and assertive. I gave him a definitive "no". But I told him to take care of himself. I advised him to prioritise what he thinks and how he feels about himself rather than what or how a stranger (me) thinks or feels about him.
On Friday night, I was hit on by an older man at Central Station. His name was Toby. I started chatting to him because his appearance and mannerisms were exactly the same as another member of my Meetup group (David) who was also there. And I got the two of them muddled up. They could easily have been brothers. Although I did not feel attracted to Toby, I found him incredibly charming and funny. I was drunk. I was playing along with his flirtatiousness. There was a pre-text. A homoerotic undertone. On several occasions, he moved in for a kiss. I did not allow it to get that far. A few times, he groped me as well. But I thought that it was amusing because he made a joke about it by openly acknowledging it in a tongue-in-cheek way. Making innuendos. It was witty and amusing. He was not taking himself seriously at all. The whole palaver was like a carry on sketch (a running joke). However, the reality was that I felt safe and comfortable to let him put his arm around me if he wanted to. Just like I allowed Pancho to do that on Thursday. I know that Pancho has had feelings for me in the past. Although I am not sure that I feel the same way, I respect Pancho's feelings. Just like I tried to respect Toby's feelings (by letting him put his arm around me but not kissing him). I appreciated the attention that he was giving me. It was a form of validation. And who does not welcome validation? Like I have mentioned before, most of us want to be loved and appreciated. We want to *be* someone. I did not feel harassed by Toby. Even though I was drinking, I felt perfectly in control of myself. I respected his feelings enough to not let the flirting get out of hand (i.e., although I gave him an embrace, I did not let him kiss me). We exchanged numbers. Unfortunately, I stole part of his drink (by pouring it into my glass) when he was up on stage singing karaoke. Yesterday morning, I felt bad about this. It was pretty low of me to take advantage of someone like that. As if it was not bad enough flirting with an older man in order to get a free drink out of him. I think that he recognised that I am a chancer. At one point, he had offered me a drink, I had accepted and he said "oh, is this what it is all about?" Remembering karma (what goes around, comes around), I messaged him.
Problem solved. Or is it? A chapter to be picked up on later.
Meanwhile, last night, I recounted the Paul story to one of my friends (Andy). Andy pointed out that there is an issue of "harassment". I explained that I did not feel "harassed". It was my decision to pick up the phone and have a chat with this guy. Andy described me as a kind person. He explained to me (in front of others) that my kindness makes me unique from other guys. And that people might take advantage of that. He insisted that I was mentally strong enough to say "no". But there are other people in this WhatsApp group who are not as strong as me. He might be "harassing" others and they might not be able to handle it as effectively as me. It is my duty to report it to the group admin. But I felt bad about reporting it. A similar situation happened a few weeks ago with Yasmin. The admins were less than sympathetic (let alone empathetic) towards her. I was worried that if I report Paul to the group admin, he might end up being blocked from the group. If someone is blocked, it cuts them off from a community that might be able to help them. If someone is walking out of their life and is open (and courageous) enough to share their thoughts and feelings, blocking might alienate them more. And only serve to provide more fuel for them to go through with it. I feel passionately about this. It is ironic that Yasmin was in the nightclub with Hafyz in relation to this conversation that I was having on the same night in which I mentioned her name.
Andy understood where I was coming from. But he insisted that there is an issue with harassment and safety of the group members. I told him that they are adults. They can look after themselves. They can take care of themselves. They are fully equipped to manage each situation in their own individual way. Why should group admins micro-manage? Andy says that they have a responsibility. If someone sues the group admin, they could use the evidence of the group admin sitting back and not doing anything as a way to prosecute them for gross negligence in those situations. We had a little bit of a debate on this. How can anyone prove that the group admin did not do anything? Andy insisted that I tell the group admin. I agreed and resolved to do so in the morning. I would not "report" this guy. But I would describe what has been happening and that this is what members should do if they are approached. I would write a manifesto. A recommended message to send.
I have not done so yet. Should I still do so? I feel like we had a heated conversation (as we invariably do). But a lot of it was the alcohol talking. I felt impassioned. I become fanatical about a subject. I have rants. This happened upstairs in Compton's. I think that I had rants to a couple of the other group members about what the other four admins had done to Jenny. My memory is hazy. I must have had quite a lot to drink by then.
As I was writing this, I thought about Hafyz. I wondered whether he was on the Meetup page for the rebel group (Queer 20s and 30s London). He was on the London Gay Society (LGS) Meetup page. And he checked that page when I rebranded it. He might have received the email from Lily.
Lily (Organizer) sent a message to the London Gay Society (LGS) mailing list
[23:17, 14/08/2021] Rory Duffy: He said…
[23:48, 14/08/2021] Rory Duffy: I want to be safely carried out of life
It is even more ironic that Nathan was in touch on Thursday and that I wrote to him on Friday. Maybe there is a reason why Nathan is here? To help walk me through this situation with Hafyz? Like I said to Nathan, I do not want to give Hafyz the cold shoulder. But I do feel scared and insecure about him. Should I tell Hafyz of these feelings? Is he aware of them anyway? Possibly having read my messages to Megan? Will he use them against me? Why should I even be feeling this way to begin with? It has been a few weeks. He did not do anything wrong or bad. Why am I feeling such anger and hostility towards him? Yes, I might be outwardly perceived as "sad and vulnerable". This was an environment created by another man (Zakir) who did not know me. But not because of Hafyz. And possibly not because of the guys in my past who have "played" me. I need to dig deeper and find out where all of this is coming from.
Yesterday, when I was on the treadmill, I thought about happiness. Avi Taler taught me that in order to make him happy, I must first make myself happy. What is the source of my perceived unhappiness? Was it the way in which my parents tried to align me to their notions of what constitutes acceptable behaviour in society? Was it the way in which I was bullied at school, not for my ambiguous, repressed sexual identity and preferences but for the way in which I responded to stimuli (I was gullible, naive and easy to wind up)? Was it a combination of these upbringing factors? Was it simply that I was born into a greater cycle of depression and low self esteem and that I inherited these?
[13:17, 12/07/2019] LA: How do you explain to yourself / justify / rationalise giving another person this much control over your own mental state? He didn’t cheat on you, break up with you, he wasn’t mean, so I’m finding it difficult to understand how the effect of those words could be so strong
[13:37, 12/07/2019] LA: You need to make sure you are ok and that you’re strong enough to take on the little disappointments that come with every single relationship, and that you trust them enough to not look at everything through a negative lens... I’m not trying to be mean, I’m genuinely really worried about you giving his opinions and feelings this much control over yourself
[13:45, 12/07/2019] LA: I think that you need to strengthen yourself and quickly. Emotionally speaking I mean.
[13:47, 12/07/2019] LA: You need to be ok with him or without him
Whatever it is, LA got it right. I must toughen and strengthen myself. Emotionally and mentally. So that I am able to deal with life's little disappointments. I understand what that means. Sometimes, I do not understand how to do it. Because I am not feeling strong. But I will do.
With regards to Hafyz, he is just one guy. I need to be OK with or without him. So there is nothing that I need to do. Just carry on doing my things. Not worry about him too much. He has not done anything wrong. It is just that I have not felt strong recently. But re-reading LA's words has helped to remind me what being strong should look like.
By the way, I have checked and:
I am feeling triggered. Why? Because I feel like I have no-one to confide in. Mentally. Or that I am confiding in the wrong people or people who might pass on messages. It is certainly possible. Putting my deepest darkest thoughts on that WhatsApp group was neither smart not sensible. No wonder it has left me feeling like this. Easily done, though. I was hosting and already in the cycle of posting messages on that WhatsApp group. I guess that I simply let the boundaries blur. What I said to Megan might have been relayed back to Hafyz. Who knows? What is making me feel this way? It is the uncertainty and Cloak & Dagger / Hidden Agenda aspect that is making me feel like I am in the dark. Just waiting to be knifed. I do not know Hafyz well. But I know enough about him to know that he gossips and talks with a lot of different people. How do I know if I can trust him? I do not know. There is no reason for me to offer him my trust. I do not owe him my trust. He is barely a stranger. I can still show kindness and respect without giving away my trust or affection.
Draft (to Hafyz)
I was about to message Hafyz when Rob got in touch again. It is like he is almost on the same wave length as me. Or the universe is intervening again. Keeping me safe. I want to message Hafyz because otherwise he might think that there is a problem or that I am avoiding him. I do not need to let him think that. But maybe it is not yet the time to message him. I have still sent the Last Message. I am in a stronger position. This is why Rob got in touch at that exact moment. To not disturb that. I need to concentrate on him.
I will meet Rob at Green Park station at 2pm. We will get some food together. This makes me feel better. He makes me feel comfortable when I am around him. it is 1pm now. Time to get ready and decide what I am wearing.
[15:25, 13/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Hey Paul I hope you are well, please can you remove me from the new "Brothers & family chat" group you have set up?
[15:52, 13/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Hi Guys
[15:52, 13/08/2021] Rory Duffy: I have posted it, feel free to take down if not warranted :)
[15:54, 13/08/2021] Paul: Hi how are you what's your name I live in halifax and I am gay and can we call to talk its Paul here sorry thus is my number [number] Tex me if you what
[19:58, 13/08/2021] Paul M: Yh it ok
[22:17, 13/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Spreading vibes, hope you can join
[23:36, 13/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Thank you Paul. X
I did not know what Hafyz wanted with me. I bought myself some time. Enough time to speak with Megan today and find out what was said between them (if anything). All day, I have been feeling paranoid that Megan has passed on what told her to Hafyz. I tried calling her at 14:30 and again at 20:15. I told her that Hafyz has been in touch and asked her if we could talk. I was going to write that I said what I said to her last night because I was upset and triggered (by the fact that he was in Heaven). But that nothing of what I said was really about him (although I made it out to be about him, I was projecting). I re-read the messages to Megan and cringed with shame. How could I say that about Hafyz? Is he about to find out that his information will be online.
CW. She is the missing link. She was in that photo with myself, Hafyz and Megan (the photo that I re-sent to Megan last night). I called CW. She called back within a few minutes. She asked how I am doing. I said that I am not doing too great. I did something stupid. I admitted that it was regarding Hafyz. CW said that she thought that she knows what this is about. She is about to hear the other half of the story. I explained that I had sent Megan a load of messages effectively ranting about Hafyz. And now I feel both repulsed by what I said and paranoid that Megan might have shown Hafyz those messages. Because he has been in touch today. I do not know what he wants to talk about.
Last night, Hafyz met up with Yasmin. Apparently, Yasmin has been spiralling. Sending suicidal messages to the Queer 20s and 30s London WhatsApp group (the group from which I was kicked). Causing "drama". Yasmin wanted to meet up with CW. But CW did not want to. So, Yasmin called Hafyz. Yasmin and Hafyz went to eat at Wetherspoons. They arrived at Heaven together. At some point, they were separated in Heaven. Hafyz found a new group of people and left Yasmin alone in Heaven. When she found him again, he pretended that he did not have a clue who she was in front of the other group of people. This triggered her. She pinned him up against the wall outside Heaven and basically "lost it" with him. Shouting and screaming in his face. Then, a group of four people physically assaulted her and left her injured by the road. They took her phone, money and everything. Hafyz tried to intervene with the fight. Yasmin tried to kill herself by running towards the River Thames. The police were called. Hafyz explained to the police that he had tried to intervene. Then he jumped in an Uber and left her there. Yasmin was carted off to A&E in an ambulance.
CW knows about this because Yasmin came out of hospital this morning at about 8. The first thing that she did was buy a new phone and call CW to explain what had happened. The only point in this conversation at which my name was mentioned was when CW said to Yasmin that Hafyz "shat on me" and acted rude to her. CW has no intention of talking to Hafyz. She describes him as a "horrible person". She asks who would do that? Lie about not knowing someone and then abandon them twice in the same evening when she is at her most vulnerable? To me, it seems somewhat ungentlemanly.
Where was Megan in all of this? CW reassured me that Megan does not approve of Hafyz. So, although they might have acknowledged one another, she doubts that Megan would have revealed anything to him. In one of my messages, I told Megan that I trust her. CW reckons that Hafyz does not know about the messages that I sent to Megan and instead wants to talk with me about Yasmin. Why would he want to talk to me about her? I have only met her once. It seems like he knows her more than I do (even though he is not in the group). CW reassured me that Megan probably shut down and turned off her phone because she did not know how to respond to my messages and could not cope with the drama. She doubts that Megan would have said anything to Hafyz. CW went on a walk with Megan and she knows how Megan disapproved both of the way Hafyz treated me and how he was rude to CW. Why would Megan say anything to Hafyz?
CW advises me that a phone call with Hafyz would not solve anything. She advises me to steer well clear of him. She describes him a manipulative and not to be trusted. He is possibly trying to clear his conscience and make out that he is the saint in all of this. I have decided to sleep on it. I have arranged to forget that he tried to call me. If he tries to call me again, I could say that I have work and ask if we could message instead. That way, I can at least have more regulation over what is said. Even if I do not want to be involved.
What is happening in the rebel camp? Now that I am outside of the main chat, I am hearing everything second hand through CW.
Firstly, Rob asked on the group "would you date an autistic person?" Since CW does not know Rob, she seemed critical and judgemental of him. Who would say that? Calmly, I explained to her that I have been hanging out with him for most of today. He mentioned it. He said that he was receiving aggravation from some of the other group members. I let slip to CW that Rob is autistic. I know that Rob is not open about his diagnosis but I felt that CW should know this about him before making snap judgements. He often asks neutral questions out of the blue that do not fit in anywhere. But they are not ill-intended. This has happened before when he asked if the attackers were "of colour" (Read More: 03/06/2021).
14:53, 14/08/2021] Rob: Do Leo's get on with Gemini's?
Yesterday, Rob asked me if Leos get on well with Geminis. At the time, I was about to host the M&M and I did not have time to think out my response. My initial instinct was to say that me and him are a shining example of Leos getting on well with Geminis. But I did not text back because I would rather say that to him in person. Some statements can be misinterpreted via WhatsApp. And I forgot to get back to him on that. Anyway, I broached the topic with him in person as we were leaving Green Park. He seemed flattered and a little embarrassed when I told him that he and I are a shining example of Leos getting on well with Geminis. But he seemed pleased. Even when I teasingly said that Geminis have fluid tongues. We gossip. I am the worst! Although he insists that I am not, it was almost a precursor to letting slip about his autism to CW.
CW relays that there is a lot of bullying going on in the main chit chat group. Claire has temporarily stepped down as an admin. She was getting a lot of aggravation from the group members. CW describes her as arrogant. CW describes Lily as two-faced. CW feels harassed by Yasmin and wants to report it to the admins. But she does not feel like she knows any of the admins like she knew me. With regards to my situation, CW repeatedly assures me that there was a backlash when Lily kicked me and that a lot of people stood up for me. She told them that I am a nice person and not coercive or malicious. She has the sense that I am generally popular among the group members despite the rift between myself and the rebel admins. I explained to her that the rebel admins put me into the position of deciding where I stood with everyone. And that was not fair or reasonable. I repeated to her the narrative that I am now telling people. I tried to please everyone by giving the rebel admins a 2K member Meetup page. To keep them happy. Apparently, it was the wrong thing to do. Some might say that they looked a gift horse in the mouth. But there is nothing that I could have done to change or control what happened. They already made their decision long before I tried to seize control. Let them do what they want to do. I have made it clear that I was not happy about it. I recounted how I was in shock and said nothing for about a week after they ousted Jenny. CW agrees and says that she was also in shock. With regards to the Caitlin drama, it was poorly timed. CW assumed that it was me who reported it to the other admins. I admitted that I had not said anything. When she told me about Caitlin and said that it was important for me to know (as an admin) that she was a child sex offender, I kept tight-lipped. It was the day after the coup. Although I had been added to the "What in the actual gay" WhatsApp channel and technically remained as an admin on their chit chat group, I did not know where I stood with the rebel admins. I used the Hafyz situation as an alibi to buy me some time to think and process. I imparted that I would return to the Green Park Saturday meets in a few weeks once the tensions had died down. CW thought that I had already met up with Lily for coffee. I explained that Lily offered to meet me for coffee and told the chit chat group before I had agreed to it. I do not know why she would tell everyone that we are meeting up for coffee. I am quite relieved to be out of the chit chat group. It is toxic. They advocate a "safe space". But I feel unsafe in that digital environment. It is like a virtual playground. People making judgements and accusations and ganging up on each other. I am happy and relieved to be out of it. When I was in it, I found myself getting sucked in. Obsessively reading and analysing everything that was going on despite not saying anything. It was draining, exhausting and frustrating. CW reports that some members (such as Caro) have started boycotting the park events both because of the bullying and because of the ongoing Yasmin "dramas" happening in the chit chat group. The admins are unable to control it. Right now, they are under a lot of stress. I am somewhat happy about this. They decided to form a separate group. Let them take the consequences for their actions. Meetup pages are not free to run and cost several hundred pounds over the course of a year. They need to know first-hand what a financial investment it is. They also need to learn how to deal with the drama. Despite my disapproval, I am at least happy to hear that they are taking the consequences of their actions and are plenty occupied with the ongoing dramas. They are young. They do not know what they are doing. Let them make mistakes. Running a Meetup group should be without dramas. If they create dramas, let them deal with the dramas. Let them clear up their mess.
Lastly, CW relayed to me that it has come out in the chit chat group that there is a "spy" among them. I tensed up as I had an inkling that this had something to do with me. CW relayed how Natasha had sent a reprimanding letter to the chit chat group. Last weekend, when it was raining, the rebels tried to book Retro Bar. Lily announced this intention to the group. 10 minutes later, someone tried to book Retro Bar under a false name and identity in order to sabotage the group. And that someone on the inside was passing information to the other group. Well, I did not need to say anything other than make a vague comment about hoping that things die down over the next few weeks. CW agreed. She says that the group is constant drama. Something different happens each day. A row breaks out. She cannot deal with it anymore. And as far as I am concerned, I speak with Jenny regularly. I try to keep her informed about everything that is going on. Although Rob does not realise, it is ironic that Rob was responsible for planting the seed about booking Retro Bar and I was responsible for weeding it. Between me and Rob, we undid each other's contribution to society. Teasingly, I warned Rob not to tell Jenny about suggesting Retro Bar to Lily. Jenny would be livid.
Today, I relayed to Rob the tension between Jenny and Lily and the fact that I was acting as a go-between. He does not know that I passed on the intelligence (regarding Lily's intention of Retro Bar) to Jenny and that Jenny "hogged the booking". He does not need to know. Let alone CW or anyone in that group. All that I did was pass on the information. It was not up to me what Jenny did. Just like it was not up to me what happened with the Instagram raid. I was acting as an informant to Jenny. Nothing else. Hopefully, CW did not notice how quiet I became when she explained to me that there is a spy among them on the phone. It sounds like she is more focused on other issues to do with the group. I did not approve of what Jenny did. It seemed done out of spite. Especially as she cancelled last Sunday without booking an alternative venue. But the rebel group managed to book it later at 4:30 anyway. So, while it was annoying and inconvenient for them, no harm was done. Hopefully, everyone will forget about that incident within a week or so.
Regarding Hafyz, CW reiterated that a phone call might confuse matters. She said that it was up to me of course. If he is insistent. But ultimately, it was his and Yasmin's responsibility. What happened last night. I am not obliged to have any responsibility for either Hafyz or Yasmin. I do not need to let myself become drawn into their problems. I can stay well out of it.
06/08/2021, 21:30 - Lily: That's organised by different admins, But yes the green park event will most likely go ahead, a little rain never deterred us, I'll be hosting 🥰
[12:44, 07/08/2021] Sam: I'll update you guys with a new plan with the hour 🥰
[12:49, 07/08/2021] Jenny: did they ever reply?
Last thing, Paul M set up a WhatsApp channel called "Bosses Admin ideas" and added both myself & Rob. It is a sign from the universe that I should say something to Paul M about this depressed guy. Just to write a manifesto and advise them how to address it rather than opt for the blocking route. I have not had much chance today to look at the correspondence. But I will do so tomorrow. Once I have figured out what I should say.
The LGBTQ+ dramas never end!
[17:06, 15/08/2021] Paul M: I bet all you only put comments in here if there’s something going on a normal chat to pay keep it on your phone so you can contact the Admins as when you need to
Rory spent the first few years of his life in an ice cave, carving out his palace of wonder. He's a bit of a love doll, but he who melts the ice shall have his reward.
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I have been recommended to acknowledge and process all that I have been though, where it all started from how it has affected me.