Last night, LV dreamed about me. I told him that I dream about him most nights, only he appears in a different form each time 🥰
What was happening in the dream? He dreamed that he was sleeping in my house but I lived with my parents in the dream. I was just thinking about him when he said that. It is like he is a voice in my head and he can hear my thoughts. He dreamed that he met my mother and described her.
I reminded him that he met her briefly over video chat. Back in October 2019 (24/10/2019 to be precise). And he said “hello mommy” 🥰
At the time, I did not write about this: afterwards, she acted concerned because I was sounding euphoric when I was talking to LV. I did not even tell her about LV until June 2019. When we were having coffee in London, I showed her his picture and played her the song that he recorded. But it was all a bit too much for her to take in. Since I kept LV a secret from my parents for 10 years.
I explained that I am in pieces. What happened the other day was merely the tip of the iceberg. I cannot simply be fixed with sellotape and glue. It will not happen overnight. I need time. There is a big part of my life that I have not shared with anyone. Decades worth. I must be allowed to work through it if I am going to be able to see my next birthday.
Rory spent the first few years of his life in an ice cave, carving out his palace of wonder. He's a bit of a love doll, but he who melts the ice shall have their reward.
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I have been recommended to acknowledge and process all that I have been though, where it all started from how it has affected me.