What strikes me is how quickly I notice whenever I am attracted to or have feelings for someone. But I instantly self-subjugate. Without even trying, i.e., I automatically convince myself that my feelings are somehow "subversive" or "contagious". Like the guy who I met on Sunday. Just because he is 10 years younger than me, I immediately think thoughts along the lines of the following:
I recognise that all of the above are unhealthy thoughts (hence, formatted in red). At least recognising it is a positive.
But what about my relationship with those thoughts?
I realise that the observation about me "needing to be happy in myself to make someone else happy" relates to this relationship that I have with my own thoughts and feelings. I am noticing things all of the time and judging myself. Almost like there is a little voice in my head saying "no, stop doing this, stop doing that".
Rory spent the first few years of his life in an ice cave, carving out his palace of wonder. He's a bit of a love doll, but he who melts the ice shall have his reward.
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I have been recommended to acknowledge and process all that I have been though, where it all started from how it has affected me.