OK. HF is a complicated guy. On the last 2 meetings with him, I thought that he was more secure in himself than Sam. But tonight, I saw a different side of him.
HF kept describing himself as a "drama queen". He kept calling his friends and his relatives (cousins etc.). I felt like he was paying more attention to them than he was to me. This is how I felt about JR when he was taking the selfies etc. It was a façade.
It turns out that his whole family and friends network know that he is gay. But they never talk about it. HF constantly judges himself and focuses on what other people think of him. He is a family guy. And I think that it is sweet that he is connected with them. But he does not appear to have a healthy relationship with himself. Repeatedly, I told him that the most important relationship that he will ever have in life is with himself. And that he needs to enjoy life. And not feel the need to judge himself.
Coincidentally, one of his cousins passed by on the riverside as we were hugging and kissing (for the record, this was the first time that I kissed him and we kissed several times during the course of the evening). HF seemed stressed because of what his cousin might think of him. He even snapped at me a couple of times, almost blaming me for painting a gay portrayal of him. Because I could not stop embracing him.
On the way home, I pointed out that he had snapped at me a couple of times. I was scared of him. I wanted to feel safe with him. A couple of times, he pointed out his insecurities with himself. I pointed out that he only feels a certain way because he defines himself in those terms. And that when you perceive yourself in a certain way, you become that certain way. He said that the reason why he sometimes snaps is not because of me but it is because of himself. I should not take it personally. It is never intended to hurt me. He promised me that he has no intentions of hurting me. He said that as we meet one another and get to know one another we will become used to that.
At one point, he said to me "OMFG, you are so into me right now, you are scaring me". Probably because I was lavishing him with hugs and kisses. I do not hold back. If I love a guy, I show it. He acknowledged that I am open and that it is cool etc., he wished he could be as open as me. But he comes from this Muslim background where his friends and family know everything that is going on with him. He does not feel at liberty to be as open with anyone as I do with him. As Phoebe (at the bus stop) pointed out: his family are probably dealing with the fact that I am white let alone a male! To me, why should race and gender matter? I think that he is cute. I told him that I like him. I told him that he is adorable. He seemed to reciprocate. He was staying out late with me (even though he had to get home and eat).
We have arranged to meet on Saturday. Have we? I told HF that the organiser of my group has booked Little Ku Bar. Humorously, I warned him not to be late. I would get there at 6. I would pay attention to my phone until about 8. Why was I playing games with him? Or saying all of this stuff? Maybe I was protecting myself. As soon as he left the bus, I edited my RSVP to +1 and immediately messaged the other organisers.
[23:59, 22/07/2021] Rory Duffy: I’m bringing a +1 on Saturday his name is HF question is not sure when he will arrive 🤷♂️ please let him in if he turns up late
As I was writing, HF popped up on my WhatsApp. He phoned me. The first thing that I said to him was "I hoped that you would do that!" Why am I such a pushover? Why am I giving myself so readily to someone who I barely know?
Within minutes, I was plunged head first into the drama between him and 2 of his girlfriends, involving a wedding that he should not have told various parties about. The bottom line was that he blabbed and felt insecure about blabbing. And now he is worried about what people are going to say and what they think of him. Most of the time, I was asking him questions like "what makes you feel this about yourself?" And "there seems to be a trigger that is making you think XYZ. Maybe we can explore this in a bit more detail". I felt like I was giving him a therapy session.
Later on in the call, we seemed to hit the nail on the head. He feels insecure about himself. So, he surrounds himself with other people and interferes in their lives. He finds it difficult to control himself. He tries to control the situations that are happening around him. He says that this makes him more attractive to other people. He finds that people are attracted to him. But he withdraws because he thinks that there is nothing to be attracted to. I asked him if he feels insecure about me. He said no. He said something about me being a nice, caring person.
I suggested that he could find ways of controling his impulses to call people and blab (especially while drinking). And maybe, in turn, he might have a greater handle on himself not to trigger the problems that are happening around him / to him in the outer world. Because he feels like a magnet for his own problems. There seemed to be a lot of manifestation going on.
I gave him a lot of advice on how to relate with himself. He seemed to become quiet. At the end of the call, he thanked me for listening and for my kindness. I said that it does not cost me anything. As if to emphasise that I give to anyone without expecting anything back in return.
We talked for 58 minutes. I cannot remember much more of the conversation. It was a little hazy and fuzzy. Now, I am feeling a little odd about it. I am becoming involved with this guy who seems to have a lot going on within himself right now and might not have time or capacity for anyone else. Let alone me. On our first meeting, he described himself as "self-involved". That is OK. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with that. It might mean that the person does not have the capacity to have a mature relationship with someone else. Or maybe it is not the right time. As long as I can feel comfortable around him and maintain a positive rapport with him (in that order of priority), that is the main thing. But can I date him? I want to. I know that I want to. But maybe I am projecting everything that I am looking for in a guy onto him. And maybe I might feel let down or disappointed. That is understandable.
I suggested that he pause, relax and sleep on it. Maybe everything might sort itself out in his head and he might feel clearer about things in the morning. Maybe he might dream about it. I asked him to promise me that he would message in the morning to let me know if he dreamed about it. I backtracked and said that I would not make him promise. He said that he would try. I openly acknowledge that it is better to under-promise and over-deliver. So that one is not disappointing the other. Gently, I brought the conversation to a natural close and wished him a good night.
This morning, I am waiting for him to message me (even though he has sent the last message). Well, technically, I had the last word on the phone call. I was the last person to say goodbye and the first person to hang up.
Right now, I feel like he needs some space from me. Maybe it is a good thing that I messaged Sanjo on Tinder. In case there is the possibility that I can meet him for a quiet drink next week. Not for anything to happen but just to meet him in person. We have been matched on dating apps for about 2 years and neither of us has initiated. Despite us readily replying to one another.
HF also mentioned that he is going to Leicester next week and moving house. Therefore, it is unlikely that we will be able to see one another much. Maybe it is a sensible idea (for my sanity) to meet up for a drink with Sanjo. Just to give me a bit of headspace. I feel guilty about it. Like I might be "cheating" on HF. I would not expect him to do the same to me. But I know that this is my self subjugation talking. And maybe HF has already done the same to me. A couple of times, he mentioned about going for a drink with a friend before meeting me. But maybe there is a trust issue? And the reason that I am poised to go out for a drink is because I feel unable to trust HF? Anymore than I can trust myself? Where has this come from?
Yesterday, someone in Sainsbury's bumped into me. Or I thought that I had bumped into them. Instantly, I apologised to them. They did not hear. I caught myself in the act. I audibly voiced "why am I apologising?" Again no one heard or paid the slightest attention (even though I said that out loud in the middle of a queue in Sainsbury's). Who cared? No one.
Late at night and early this morning, I experienced intrusive thoughts, which can often happen if I am drunk and feeling anxious about a situation. Alcohol and anxiety. Potent combination. HF & I had been sat on the grass opposite the riverside. But HF insisted that we sit on the wall overlooking a massive drop down to a craggy beach. It felt a little precarious to be clambering over railings and sitting on ledges while drinking. Anything could have happened. I might have wobbled, lost my footing, injured myself or even killed myself by falling. I tend to experience intrusive thoughts AFTER (not before or during) the event. In my dreams, I dreamed that one of my colleagues was trying to commit suicide by overdosing on protein powder. My mind. WTF.
I mentioned this to HF. The mind is craziness. And it is in our human instinct to try and control our craziness. If we cannot control what happens inside us, we might feel an instinct to control what is in the outside world. To compensate for our lack in ability to control ourselves.
HF mentioned that one of his first cousins is a murderer. A woman broke up with him. He attacked her, suffocated her by smothering a blanket over her, beheaded her and separated the head from the body. He did this while he was high on coke. Again, alarm bells are ringing. I told HF that this was too much for me. I told him that I felt sick. I am feeling vulnerable by the fact that he is telling me these things about people in his extended family. Why was he telling me this? Maybe because I told him that I was advising someone whose ex has made a death threat against them.
[11:24, 22/07/2021] +44: Hi gang I need some advice please what should i do about my ex boyfriends not all of them are causing me grief there is just a couple who are and a few of them still want to be my friend after they cheated on me ??
Have I said the right thing? No-one has ever made a death threat about me. I broke up with Sam because although I liked him, I felt unsafe around him. He called me a load of names and told me to go to Hell (which was a little extreme). And he blocked me on WhatsApp and Facebook. But he did not go so far as to make a death threat against me. I did nothing against him to warrant one. Had I let the relationship progress any further with Sam, I might have put myself in physical and psychological danger. For sure. He had an abusive personality. But I do not think that Sam would do any of the things that HF mentioned about his first cousin. Compared to that, Sam is a pussy cat. He feels scared. Afraid that I could "have him for breakfast".
Listen closely to what people say. Often, they are inadvertently revealing something about themselves.
I might not hear from HF in a while. He possibly feels a little insecure about opening up to me and telling me such private things about himself. I do not know how to feel about them. I feel safe. But everything about him feels a little complicated and confusing.
Maybe it is a positive that I might not hear from him for a while. For my safety and sanity (not to mention his). And the security in seeing if he truly wants to spend time with me. By letting him initiate. I would rather not pressurise him or make the first move. He knows that I am up for seeing him. He knows that I like him. I have made that clear to him both verbally and physically. I have shown him affection by embracing and kissing him. Tempting though it may be to think, I do not think that I have overstepped his boundaries. He knows that whenever he calls or messages, I will pick up and respond. I told him that. Before drawing the phone conversation to a close, I told him that he could call or message me whenever he likes. In the same way that I told all of my exes. Is this the problem? That I am willing to communicate and show openness? No. Immediately, I know that this is not a problem. It is a nice quality about myself that a lot of people might not recognise or value. Communication and transparency (openness) are important values to me. People might talk about honesty and lay their claim to it. But it must come with communication and transparency. For me, they are inextricable in a relationship.
I want things to work out with HF. I want to be in a healthy, mature relationship. But it must be with the right person. Right now, much as I like HF, I feel a little insecure about him. Not as insecure as I felt about Sam. But it feels like HF has a lot of drama going on in his life (albeit self-inflicted). Maybe I do as well (with the 20s & 30s group for example). Or I feel like his life is complicating my life and there is a reactionary element to our dynamic. We are similar in that respect. We interfere in other people's affairs. The only difference is that I appear to think before acting. And I internalise it. He appears to act before thinking. And he externalises it.
It was nice of HF to invite me out yesterday.
Why am I attracted to insecure "badasses"? Why am I always going for guys who are not good for me? Why am I constantly putting myself in danger? Is there a Self Harm element in there? Or am I simply unlucky?
IJ says that there is nothing personal about it to do with me. The guy should have enough respect for himself to date and have a mature relationship. Put myself in the shoes of HF. If one knows that they are going on a date with someone and they have the slightest inclination that they might not feel ready, it is respectful to not put the other person in an uncomfortable position or bring all of their own complications to the table and make the other person feel responsible for those complications.
Or maybe this is part of the package and I must accept him without letting myself feel blamed in any way.
Last night, HF opened up a lot to me. Perhaps he feels uncomfortable about opening up to me so much. He seemed to vocalise this on the phone. I acknowledged that the more that he opens up, the more vulnerable he might feel. Why? Because he might feel afraid of what I do with that knowledge. Which is why it is important to restrain yourself before getting to know someone properly.
It is sweet and lovely that HF has opened up to me because it shows that he likes me and trusts me. Alternatively, this might be part of his life drama that I am finding myself ensnarled up in. And I might end up in a situation (like I did with Sam) in which HF blames me for no apparent reason. Because he cannot see past his own insecurities. I cannot control that. It might happen. What I can control is my response if I feel like things are heading in that direction.
I think that the best thing to do would be to take my own medicine. Lightly pause it temporarily. Not to consciously tell him this. But to hold off messaging him for a few days and see if he comes back. This is a test to see if he genuinely wants to spend time with me or if I am merely a sounding board.
For the record, I do not perceive this as "ghosting" because he has not yet re-initiated conversation. And I would resolve to respond.
Meanwhile, I am free to meet someone else, even if it is not a "date".
Maybe I should meet this other guy, Sanjo. But just go for a coffee. Or a walk in the park. When alcohol and substances are involved, things can get complicated. HF & I have exchanged a lot of words. Now it feels complicated and I do not know where I stand with him. It was nice to kiss him at last. But it did not feel that monumental, if I am completely honest with myself. It did not feel significant. It was just something that we felt like doing. We simply got on with it.
On the phone, I said to HF that he has all of the choice in the world. I am not forcing him into anything. I can be there for him and support him as much as possible. But at the end of the day, it is up to him whether or not he chooses to take that support.
HF asked me what I am doing with this group. Thinking that he was talking about Saturday (Little Ku Bar), I said that we would be drinking and socialising. I had already put himself on the guest list. He clarified that he did not mean about this Saturday, but about the group in general. I explained that it is an embracing, inclusive group for anyone LGBTQ or questioning to feel part of a community. But for me, LGBTQ (or "queer spaces") transcends further than your sexual identity and sexual preference. It is about reclaiming your individuality. It comes from a place of feeling like an outsider. Falling outside the box labelled "other". And not feeling afraid to be different. But instead embracing your uniqueness. Getting yourself out there in the world. Showing the best version of yourself. Feeling liberated and free to express yourself and your personality in whichever way you wish. The invitation is there. I have even gone so far as to revealing his name to the other organisers. Manifesting his attendance. The only thing left to do is see whether or not he takes the invitation.
Note to self: this is probably the most complicated, confusing and convoluted journal entry that I have ever written. I am simply writing things in the order that I remember them. From the date itself. To the messages. To the 58-minute phone call. To the intrusive thoughts and dreams. To the morning after anxieties. Apologies if it is a little jumbled and disjointed. I am noting down my thoughts as they occur to me. Later, I might read back on them and notice patterns starting to emerge. Like behaviours and thought cycles that are similar to previous relationships. How they manifested. And what I might choose to do differently next time. This is why it is so important to pause and reflect as much as possible. I am giving myself a chance to process everything. And make the right choices for myself. Regardless of the other person.
Repeatedly, I (soothingly) told HF that he could pause. Not act without thinking things through first. He could control his instincts. And then he might not feel like he is causing himself problems. Like Sam, HF has an impulsive nature. But not an aggressive nature. More of an interfering / gossiping nature. For example, drunk dialling his friends. Spreading gossip. Talking about secrets. And complicating matters by withholding certain pieces of information from certain people. Or discussing them behind their backs. It all seems a little dubious and convoluted. I can see how it is affecting him and his relationship with himself. At the end of the day, I can make recommendations. I can tell him that it is a sensible idea to pause before he picks up the phone. But it is his choice whether or not he chooses to take that advice. And that might partially be down to how he feels about me being in his life.
All that I can do is continue showing my qualities: kindness, empathy, compassion. How are you feeling today? How I can help and support you? Without expecting anything back from him.
This morning, a friend called me because his partner had a serious medical condition and was refusing to see the doctor. My friend was concerned for his partner and there was an issue developing whereby his concern was becoming an irritation to his partner. Despite the fact that his partner kept bringing up this medical condition in conversation. Instantly, I was reminded of what Sam said to me in a WhatsApp message. That if I tried to coerce him into seeing a doctor about his brain haemorrhage, he would stop speaking to me. It seems that I have experienced a similar situation before. Although not in quite so much depth.
I explained to my friend that there seem to be 2 separate issues here:
My friend is feeling anxious because if his partner becomes seriously ill or dies, his partner's family might blame him for it. Straight away, I told him that he was manifesting. Who knows what they might think? There is no point speculating something into existence. No-one can control the way in which other people might judge them. And I think that it is highly unlikely that this would happen if it were on record (verbally, liberally or otherwise) that my friend had expressed concern for his partner not wanting to see the doctor.
I advised my friend that he had gone above and beyond the call of duty. He had encouraged his partner to see the doctor. But there is no point in forcing him. He has done everything that he possibly can for his partner. Now it is up to his partner as to whether or not he chooses to take advice and see the doctor.
What would happen if his partner kept bringing up the medical condition in conversation? Repeatedly telling his partner to see the doctor might cause irritation. On the other hand, gaslighting or ignoring it would not be a healthy way to deal with it. It might create an unwanted disparity between the two parties in a relationship. A sensitive area might manifest. A patch of thin ice. Or egg shells. I advised my friend to say the following things to his partner whenever his partner complained about his medical condition:
This opens up a healthy, positive, constructive dialogue. It is turning a negative into a positive. Opening up a window of opportunity in the relationship. An opportunity for my friend to show his partner how caring and compassionate he is. Infusing strength into the relationship. It is about empowering the other person and assigning them some options and control without devaluing or depriving yourself. At an elementary level, it is about helping one another. Supporting one another. Focusing on those positive elements. Encouraging them to develop. Rather than either trying to control the other person (by telling them what to do) or ignoring the other person.
It seems that I am good at helping other people. But not helping myself. I am improving. But there is still some distance to go. Last Sunday, Rob said to me "why are you so nice?" Because he noted that I stayed up most of the night on Friday trying to help sort out Mary's problems.
Why did I go into all of the above? I guess that my friend is in a similar situation to me. My friend's partner (in my case, HF, the guy who I have been dating) is struggling with issues. As partners, we are able to support and help the other person. But we are not doctors. Or therapists. Or counsellors. I have learned this through the 20s & 30s Organisers group. And the issues that I have been working through with Yasmin & Mary. Out of all 6 organisers, it has become apparent that I might be the most sympathetic / empathetic and patient yet the most self-deprecating. In their opinion, I spend too much energy on trying to help people, which is not what we are there for. I even acknowledged this myself in the group.
[09:02, 19/07/2021] Rory Duffy: Lol. Yeah there is a danger of "over-policing". We are there to host events and facilitate the chat, we can write rules in the WhatsApp group/Meetup page but we are not there to run people's lives.
There is a pattern. In previous jobs, Stonehouse Court Hotel, BOTW and DT, I proved myself and excelled as a customer service representative / ambassador. But the feedback that I often received from my superiors was that I often let myself get drawn into detailed discussions with customers when it is not always necessary. Especially if the team is under considerable time and budget pressure. At both BOTW and Serious, I was called out for spending too much time on the phone (45-60 minutes) with customers discussing their passions and interests in jazz. I care too much about people. I want them to have an enjoyable experience. And why not? That is a wonderful quality to have. But maybe I try to help others too much at the expense of the business or myself (personal sanity etc.). Now, the same pattern is recapitulating itself in my friendships, relationships and role as an admin for the 20s & 30s group. I am an empath. If I see someone struggling with mental health issues, my first instinct is to rush out and help them. I have had to bite my lip in the main WhatsApp chat when I see people being bullied or vindicated based on things that they have said.
[00:29, 23/07/2021] Rory Duffy: I met a nice girl at the bus stop called Phoebe, still trying to find my way to the 87 🤷♂️
For example, yesterday, someone raised an issue about a Pakistani guy DM'ing them (see tabbed). Apart from the fact that DM'ing is against the rules of the group, there are a few issues here.
I was tempted to say that the question about whether or not the comment was "racist" says as much about the mindsets of those asking the question as it does about the mindset of the person who made the alleged "racist" comment (mentioning that they are Pakistani). HF is Pakistani, too. Is that important?
By defending "racism", one is effectively allowing that comment to be "racist". And, by extension, encouraging and perpetuating racism to happen in the first place. It is a form of manifestation. It is a vicious cycle that is only flared when the flames are fanned. Who cares whether or not the person is Pakistani? But why the need to point that out to everyone?
I had to bite my lip. I have made a rule for myself to not post my opinion or viewpoint on the main WhatsApp group. Stick to the facts. Who we are meeting. What we are doing. When. Where. How much (optional). Otherwise, I might find myself in trouble. There is a certain wisdom in picking and choosing my battles. Especially when I have my own life to manage (never mind anyone else's lives).
A couple of years ago, I read Dr Seth Love Prescription. One of the chapters talked about "Rescue Mentality". This is a trap that I often fall into. Both in professional contexts. And personal (relationship / friendship contexts). Last June, Alex pointed out to me that I am an empath. When someone else is in pain, I feel that pain. The opposite of that is a psychopath / sociopath. I am definitely not that. But there are people in the world who might exhibit (intentionally, unintentionally or otherwise) psychopathic / sociopathic tendencies. I find motives compelling and interesting (hence, my Eastenders-watching phase a few years ago). I am not saying that the psychopathic / sociopathic behaviour is what is happening here. And I firmly believe that there are two sides to the story and invariably exceptions to the rules. I do not know what a person's background and upbringing was like to drive them towards saying or doing the things that might be perceived as psychopathic / sociopathic. And that might be none of my business. Or I can only speculate. But here I go again. Trying to put myself in the shoes of the person exhibiting those sorts of behaviours. Rather than labelling or trying to diagnose / distance myself from it. I get drawn in. This is lovely but it can put me in a vulnerable position. One in which people might take advantage of.
Like I said to Avi Taler, I did not want him to take advantage of me. But by saying that, I was precisely doing that (allowing him to take advantage of me). I was manifesting that behaviour. I was putting myself in a vulnerable position where I might experience emotional or psychological danger. Not from him, I hasten to add. But from myself and the way in which my energy reacted to his energy (i.e., the act of saying it). At the time, Avi Taler was seeing a therapist. When he told me that, the first thing that I wanted to do was put my arms around him, talk to him and let him know that I was there for him. Without a thought or consideration for myself. This is the problem that can sometimes occur. I put others before myself. Self Subjugation. Instead of trying to "rescue" someone else, have I had much thought or consideration for "rescuing" myself? There was too much projection for me to realise this. I saw him as the one needing to be rescued when it should have been me needing to be rescued. Maybe it was too early for him to be telling me that he was seeing a therapist? Maybe he felt vulnerable for having told me? Maybe he was afraid of how much I knew about him and what I might do with that knowledge? In the same way as HF might feel vulnerable for having opened up to me last night?
It is OK. I can still help and support people if I want to. But maybe I can act a bit more selective about who I choose to help and support. In what capacity. And how much. I must always keep it in the back of my mind as to whether what I am "giving away" is free or comes at a cost. That day, Avi Taler had summoned me to his house at the drop of a hat. I felt compromised because my desire to see him overrode my clear judgement about what might have been happening or how I might have prevented that. I was not in control of myself. I was willing to be there for him at his beck and call. Maybe that was not sensible.
Recently, I have noticed that I often describe myself as a "docile doormat" or a "pushover".
FV said to me effectively the same.
FV 2:36 AM
Last night, at the end of the phone call, HF thanked me for my kindness. I responded by saying "it comes at no cost". I felt 100% secure in myself to say that to him. Because it was true. All that I was doing was recapitulating all of the things that I tell myself. It helps me to consolidate myself. By giving other people medicine, I am taking my own medicine. I can say with certainty that the 58 minutes on the phone to HF was not wasted. I took it as an experience. An adventure. In dating someone. What HF is saying and doing has never happened to me before. Despite my misgivings and reservations, I am trying to put it down to experience. Not treat the relationship as the "be all and end all". Who knows, that could have been my last conversation with him. Or the last time that he feels able enough to open up to me. Opening up to someone is a gift. Whoever you are. I should feel happy and content that he has shown me trust and feeling by opening up to me. Even if he regrets it later. Which he might now (on our 1st meeting, he described himself as an open book).
I should congratulate myself. The way in which I have shown kindness to HF is different to the way in which I showed kindness to Avi Taler. It was not a self-subjugating kindness. I did not feel like I threw myself at HF (emotionally, at least, even if I did physically). I did not take his words too much to heart. I can note them down in my journal. Meditate on them. Reflect on them. But I do not have to lose anything by trusting in his words completely. I do not know him like I know myself. if I listen, I might learn something. I do not need to place too much expectation on HF. I must keep myself safe and sane. That is the most important thing. Whether or not he intended the drama to happen does not need to be my concern. He has his issues. I have mine. We can talk about them together, if we want to. But we do not have to mix our energies too much or confuse one with the other. I can give him his independence. And he can reach out to me whenever he wants. When he does, I can decide how much I feel able to give back to him in return. Like I said to the guy in the LGBTQ Autism WhatsApp group (see above), friendships / relationships are a 2-way process.
[23:02, 21/10/2019] LV: We born alone and we die alone
Time and time again, I find myself back to this message: as much as a situation has the power to affect me, I have the power to define a situation by how I respond to it. It ties into this notion of control. I cannot control other people or situations. I can control myself.
Trivialising a situation in a journal (drawing the power out of a situation by putting it into written words) is a method that certainly aids this process of de-escalation. The added benefit is that I might start to recognise repeated patterns and cycles over time.
In situations and circumstances (professional and personal), I am increasingly drawing strength from these mantras. I might not get it "correct" every time. But they are helping me to empower myself. HF might not show up to the party on Saturday. He might show up. Who cares? The important thing is that I am with friends and enjoying myself. And consistently breaking everything down into manageable steps. Arming myself with backup options to safeguard my personal comfort, happiness, health, safety, security and wellbeing.
[00:00, 27/06/2021] Tom: Let’s both have compassion for ourselves. All we’re doing is being authentic and honest with our feelings
[15:35, 22/07/2021] +1: Hey Guys I need some help its not money some pakistani guy is sending me pictures of his pennis constantly, i have tried to block him but i dont know how he unblocks. If I give his number on the group can yourl bully mi
[16:31, 22/07/2021] +44: Maybe we should move this to discord?
[16:51, 22/07/2021] LM: Can I just say it's a terrible idea to ask other people to message him and bully him for very, very obvious reasons.
Rory spent the first few years of his life in an ice cave, carving out his palace of wonder. He's a bit of a love doll, but he who melts the ice shall have his reward.
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I have been recommended to acknowledge and process all that I have been though, where it all started from how it has affected me.