FV 5:12 AM
Oh dear! What happened?
I was talking to FV, one of the Meetup members. We were a table of 4 guys. FV was saying that the UK is a "Virgo" nation because it is concerned with earthly, material matters and obsessed with gardening. He was saying that the US is a troubled nation and contains a bad energy because of the way in which the chakras are aligned. Of course, there are constituent states and they have their own variations of that energy but the overarching energy is "bad".
I was politely challenging him. How could he make such a sweeping statement about 1 country? How could he put so many people in a box and label it in such a way? Where did he draw this information? Did he read it in a book? He said that he has met a lot of Americans. I observed that what he was saying about Americans sounded like an intuitive statement. Where does he draw the line? After meeting 100 Americans?
I cannot remember much of the conversation, it was somewhat confusing. There were a lot of generalisations / sweeping statements being made about people and groups. I suggested that there be some projection going on. He was taking his inner views and imposing them on the outer world.
FV misheard me. Thinking that I had said "rejection" when I had said "projection", he acted ruffled and affronted. "Do not talk to me about rejection, darling, I can teach you a lesson or two about rejection". I clarified that I had said "projection". He promptly apologised. He reiterated the mantra of "as above so below", i.e., the analogy of the inner being as a microcosm of the outer Universe.
At one point, I pointed out that FV had contradicted himself. Earlier, he had criticised me for practising sending kindness out to the Universe and expecting nothing back in return (saying that I was wasting my energy by engaging with malevolent spirits). Minutes later, he seemed to be advocating the same mindset in his talk of "as above so below" / Karma & Fate. Maybe I was not understanding him clearly enough. The conversation seemed convoluted and lacking in direction.
I decided to bite the bullet. I asked him where is this going? What is his point? FV said his point was Roger was "floundering". Immediately, I said that this was not a nice judgement to make about Roger.
I respect that he has views and that there are reasons for him having his views based on his life experience. But I do not respect him trying to impose these views on other people and telling them that they are definitively "wrong" if they disagree. During this conversation, Roger and Norman had fallen silent. I was earnestly trying to explore and challenge FV's path of logic in the most positive, amenable and open way. When FV told Roger that he was "floundering", Roger left the table and headed downstairs.
For a few minutes, I carried on talking to FV but noticed that Roger was missing. I went downstairs and found Roger drinking alone at a table. I joined him and said that I felt bad about the conversation. Roger encouraged me not to blame myself. I did not want it to become a pointing fingers style blame game. That was not what it is all about. I felt like Holly Willoughby interviewing Katie Hopkins when she was giving an interview about what names should be given to children and what they mean.
Indeed, FV & I touched upon the topic of names. I showed him "Behind The Name" website. I explained the meaning of my name.
FV was saying that people should adopt the meaning of their names. Politicians and leaders are as such because they have their chakras aligned in a certain way. I pointed out that people can make their own choice of whether or not they wish to derive meaning from their name and how they wish to do it. For example, I do not think of myself as a "Red King". I interpreted it as an analogy and used it to design a business logo (see below). That is simply one way (of many ways) of interpreting a name. No-one can say that it is definitively right or wrong. And that is the power of personal choice and freedom. In how we interpret names. We put the power and control back into ourselves by choosing how we wish to interpret names. FV was saying that there are malevolent beings and spirits out there to whom we are transferring our power and control by engaging with them. He says that a name is a label and you can tell who these beings are by reading their names. I do not share the same view anymore. I used to. When my confidence was at rock bottom.
Now, I see people more as carriers or transmitters of energy and not as intrinsically good or evil. There is a difference. Moving from being to acting. I pointed out that the way in which FV was speaking seemed Black & White and that we could not set a universal standard on groups of people. There might be an exception to the rule. There is a grey area. There might be something else to learn. We should remain open to that.
Anyway, I went upstairs and assured FV that I would be back in a moment. I needed to take time out. Roger said that he left the table because otherwise he might have exploded. At that point, Roger decided to leave and I went back upstairs. FV was gone. I felt uncomfortable because FV had acted defensive and confrontational. I needed to take care about what I say around him.
For now, I must take my own advice and choose how I wish to respond to FV's message. I feel confident with this one. I do not feel like it is going to be a struggle. I can see that this man is struggling. To a small degree, I can understand where he is coming from and how he might feel rejected or experience rejection. Lockdown has taken its toll on a lot of people. All that it requires is a little patience, empathy and understanding.
Rory Duffy 9:47 AM
If he pushes back, I could address his question of abandonment and speak more candidly with him. There is no harm in showing honesty. On the Meetup event page, I wrote the words "come as you are" and encouraged people to be themselves. In saying that, I might have taken a massive risk. But I am prepared to take the consequences. FV told me that he suffered from multiple personality disorder. Immediately, I questioned why he would refer to it as a "disorder". Is that not a societal construct and imposition? Is that not a legal "view" that he might be imposing on himself?
It is understandable if FV feels that we were going against the words of "come as you are" in his perceived sense of abandonment. My words and actions might be interpreted as ironic and hypocritical. But my intention was not to "abandon" him or dismiss him in any way. Whatever judgement might be made is up to those listening and responding. It is a multiple direction process. We can work things out together. This is why I am comfortable to point out to him if I feel like his words about Roger were harsh. It is not a rejection of him as a person. I feel comfortable enough to speak candidly with him and deal with whatever collateral comes my way. Even if I need to pause and consider my response for a moment.
What do I mean by my resolve to speak candidly with him? I would say that I needed some time out from the conversation. I needed a comfort break. I was not abandoning the conversation. But maybe I needed to take a temporary step back. Take a moment. To pause, consider and reflect. I felt uncomfortable. Not about what FV was saying. But about how his words might affect the 2 guys on our table. I felt bad that FV was dominating the table with his views and maybe we needed to shuffle up the tables slightly so that the 2 guys might meet and mingle with a few others at the Meetup rather than feeling dominated by 1 person. I did not agree with what FV was saying and I made this known to him. But I clarified that I respected his view.
If he pushes back, the ball is once again in my court to decide how I respond to it. This is the beauty of being ourselves. We find our own ways of addressing people and situations.
We are unique, individual and different. Each of us must find our own way that works best for us.
I was feeling depressed on Wednesday but felt much better on my birthday, I was uplifted by all of the kind messages. It was great to hear from people - I am lucky to have such wonderful friends!
Why was I feeling depressed? It looks like RV is now more into women, never met any men for years 😀
I do not blame him. Men! RV had some feelings towards men but they have gone. No but we are always changing, life would not be the same otherwise. Friends are our assets in life. Very true 🙂
They help us a lot to keep us going and being happy. I should not be sad. Thank you 😌
It feels good to talk about it. If I do not talk about it, I find myself becoming sad. Talking about it helps. And I become less sad.
If that helps me, I should not stop myself.
Let me rephrase the above. The sadness moves away. It is like a passing cloud, something that happens to us, it is not part of us. I did not need to "become" less sad because I was never sad to begin with! RV understands. It happens. He thinks that the situations around contribute to it and encourages me to cheer up 🙂
He is happy to know that I am not sad anymore. There is no lockdown anymore. I should go out and have fun. Yes, thank you. That is exactly what I am doing. Thursday & Friday, plus today and tomorrow. Lots of celebrations!
When I met RV, I could not move forwards with him because I was hurting so much and not allowing myself to move past that pain. I am getting better at dealing with it. It is a process. But many people struggle in different ways. We all move at different paces. The key is how we interpret ourselves 😊
That, too, takes time.
Read More: 08/04/2012
Rory spent the first few years of his life in an ice cave, carving out his palace of wonder. He's a bit of a love doll, but he who melts the ice shall have his reward.
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I have been recommended to acknowledge and process all that I have been though, where it all started from how it has affected me.