Today, I performed at a festival. I left my sandals at home. In my anxiety, I decided that I wanted to wear sandals. It was sunny ☀️
Perhaps I was subconsciously trying to impress a certain someone or have him notice. I tried to talk myself out of it but the fact that I had left my sandals at home was bugging me. I went to the market in Herne Hill and bought some for £5!!! Silly move, but I was so overcome with anxiety. My OCD compelled me to do something practical that might help me feel better in myself.
Roger was wearing a tight-fitting, pink t-shirt. It kept riding up whenever he bent over.
During the break,Roger & I had a little walk around festival. I cannot remember what we were talking about.
"Not remembering what we were talking about" seems to be a recurring pattern, whenever I am with someone who I am attracted to. I think that my mind goes into overdrive. This might be a symptom of my anxiety. Or maybe everyone feels like that to some extent. But I am not sure if most people's experience is to the extent of forgetting what was talked about. 05/03/21
I cannot remember how we got onto the topic. We were discussing marriage and children. I asked him if it is something that he has ever considered, whether he had a woman who he was with etc. Subconsciously, I might have been doing some digging without realising it. I am ashamed to say that I was asking somewhat personal questions. But we have known each other a couple of years now and never talked about it. He does not seem to mind.
Such is my luck. The heavens opened, it started pouring with heavy rain, thick and fast. My Gringo trousers got soaked. I was slipping and sliding all over my £5 sandals carrying my keyboard on my back to get to the bus stop. Classy. Of course, the rain stopped as soon as I got inside 🙄
Rory spent the first few years of his life in an ice cave, carving out his palace of wonder. He's a bit of a love doll, but he who melts the ice shall have his reward.
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I have been recommended to acknowledge and process all that I have been though, where it all started from how it has affected me.