Chris

Chris' original attitude upon joining Diáspora: "always happy to receive gigs from you!" / "always happy to play with you!"

When the fallout with Julio occurred, Chris phoned me. On the phone, he appeared to be sympathising with me when I explained to him the problems that I had with Julio's gig.

01/05/2011

Chris was booked to play congas in Diáspora. Shortly before the gig, he cancelled.

​I have broken my hand playing congas. It's not looking good Rory. I will be doing your sound in any case.

I booked Frank as a replacement. On the night, Chris behaved tetchy with me because I was trying to pay the band members (it was like herding cats) while he was trying to get me to clear all of my equipment off the stage.

I detected that there was some tension between us. I could not figure out what the source of that tension could be. I wanted to discuss it with him openly. I phoned him. On the first couple of attempts, he did not pick up. On the third attempt, he did.
He made an alibi about having been out in the garden.
This was my projection talking. I was not taking him at his word. Automatically not trusting and believing that everyone was lying to me. 10/03/21

Perhaps the phone call (as justified countless times) was not the best medium for such a negotiation to occur. The social appeasement aspect of the negotiation meant that we were unable to be completely honest with one another.

At this point, Chris was booked to play in Leeds on 16/07/2011 (Diáspora @ York Racecourse).

Perhaps I did not word it articulately (positively) enough. I said to Chris: "I do not believe that you have the energy for Diáspora. If that is the case, I respect that. I wanted to check as I know you are booked for the gig in July. If you do not wish to do it, that is fine by me. I will book Frank instead."

Chris was unanimous. He said "yes, that is fine, why not book Frank on any remaining gigs and use me as a backup." I said that this is fine. I would confirm with Chris once Frank was booked.

I booked Frank on Diáspora @ York Racecourse / 16/07/2011.

I texted Chris to let him know that he could release the date (reconstruction):

Rory
​Hi Chris
Just to let you know, I've now booked Frank for 16/07 so feel free to make other plans on that date.
Cheers, Rory

Chris M
Rory you are a fucking nuisance will you please stop contacting me... Idiot!

I did not reply. I showed the text message to one of my colleagues, a promoter at BOTW, who did not seem surprised. He described Chris as a "rude and aggressive man".

As I was on my way home from work, I saw Chris in passing outside the jazz club. Chris greeted me with smiles as if everything was fine. I felt slightly distracted and uncomfortable at the inconsistent behaviour.

I asked him "what was that text about?"

He said "well, you are a nuisance."

I asked why. He revealed that it was because of what happened with Julio.

These are some of the words that were exchanged during this conversation (reconstruction):

Rory: "I phoned you up because I detected that there was a problem and I wanted to find out what it was."
Chris: "I spent that whole phone conversation trying to suppress my laughter."
Rory: "Why did you not laugh, then? I was trying to have an honest conversation with you."

Chris: "Julio wants words with you. So does Ivan. He said he'd fight you if it came to that."
Rory: "So this is going to turn physical?"
Chris: "Oh yes, you cannot expect to publicise those sort of things and to get away with it. You need to watch your back because Ivan will be after you."

​Chris (angry): "You should not have put yourself forward for that gig. You were roasted. Completely and utterly roasted. And it was completely called for. You deserve everything you got."

Chris: "Rory, the reason I do not have the energy for your band is because I do not get any energy from it."
Rory: "Why would you say that you were interested and accept gigs off me then if you did not wish to do them?"
Chris M: *shrugs* "for the same reason as everyone else?"
Rory: "So you were just in it for the money, then? You did not mean any of those things that you said about wanting to play with my band?"
Chris (sarcastic): "Ooh, now you see..."

Rory: "So the cancellation of the May gig... Was in retaliation of that? And whether you had injured your hand, well, if that's what you say, then..."
Chris: "So you don't believe me!"

Chris: "I have no interest in playing with you. You are a disgrace, Rory. Your music is an insult to Latin music. You clearly do not know what you are doing and everyone, everyone, sees that. You are a novice."

Through this conversation, it transpired that the 01/05/2011 gig cancellation was an underhand way of retaliation.
This was my projection talking. I manifested that truth through the way in which I interpreted his cancellation. 10/03/21

For a number of years, I did not speak to Chris. Those words stick in my mind. A few years later, he approached me in the Picturehouse Bar @ BOTW. He said something about no longer working for the jazz club anymore because he did not get on with the owner. He insulted her. His tone was negative. I walked away. I did not wish to hear backstabbing rumours about someone who I have always respected. I was not interested. I could not understand why he had acted so deviously, underhandedly and indirect with me. Yet was appearing to act friendly towards me now, as if nothing had happened. Sometimes, he would act friendly. Other times, he would not. Either way, he would usually say something negative about someone else during conversations. I found his attitudes and behaviour inconsistent.

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29/06/2019
07/07/2020
​Bullying
Honesty
Lying
Manifestation
Music
Negotiation
Projection