This is a placeholder entry as nothing much actually happened. Other than this man behaved friendly and affectionate towards me. He might have also "groomed" me a little by buttering up my ego (or maybe I perceived it in that way). He seemed to hold me in high regard because I knew how to run businesses, contracts and invoices etc. Perhaps he did not know that I was into guys. It was a classic scenario where I distanced myself from him because I felt ashamed of my feelings towards him.
We knew one another for about a year. I have lost most of our messages. The tabbed messages were the only messages that I could find. He did nothing wrong. I simply could not cope with my feelings towards him. I withdrew.
LV tells me that this is a "Latino culture" thing. Or at least something that is more "common" with guys from hot countries (compare Sam). Men behave more tactile and affectionate towards one another.
What might have been the alternative? Tell him how I felt about him? He was straight and had a girlfriend. Therefore, I felt that my feelings towards him were not "legitimate". Have I been in this situation before?
I think that the more in which I find myself closer to who I want, the more I begin to worry that I might do something to destroy that. And then I destroy it. Which consolidates my feeling that I was somehow "right all along". And so the cycle continues.
I find myself in a situation in which I am letting my fear control me. Rather than the other way around. 28/03/21
On 2 Jul 2012, at 00:15, Federico wrote:
Federico sent November 9, 2012
Rory spent the first few years of his life in an ice cave, carving out his palace of wonder. He's a bit of a love doll, but he who melts the ice shall have his reward.
332 Brixton Road
Samaritans, 24 hours, on 116123 or email:
I have been recommended to acknowledge and process all that I have been though, where it all started from how it has affected me.