Rory Duffy
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Journal

​​I have been recommended to acknowledge and process all that I have been though, where it all started from how it has affected me.

​Write out a timeline of all the things in life that have bashed me.

Laurence

4/12/2008

 
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Unintentionally, I found myself in a "conflict of interest" situation with a pianist at the RNCM. I was looking for opportunities to perform. I was introduced to him as the promoter of a night called Sandbar Jazz. I told him about my jazz quartet. His response was something along the lines of:
I'm looking for something more than the odd foray into Stella By Starlight. If you want a booking, get a band together, record a demo and then give me a shout.
I did. I recorded a demo, which can be listened to here.

I sent my demo to Laurence. He said something along the lines of "all of the nights are booked up now so you have missed the boat". OK. I was naive. I did not understand how the industry worked. Maybe this was my lesson.

At around the same time, a performance opportunity fell into my lap in the form of the Open Session @ O'Shea's Irish Bar. I scheduled this on a Tuesday night so as not to clash with the Monday night jam sessions at M&P or Solomon Grundy. Unfortunately, this meant that it clashed with Sandbar Jazz. Sandbar Jazz was aimed at a jazz audience whereas O'Shea's was aimed at everyone.

Tabbed is the string of collateral between Laurence & I when I inadvertently hit the "invite all" on Facebook and he received one of the invitations.

After class, he came up to me. He was initially smiling and appeared to be friendly (possibly because there were other students plus the director of jazz in close proximity). He said "a lot of people are upset and angry at you". I asked why. I thought that we had resolved everything. He accused me of having given out flyers for O'Shea's at a Sandbar Jazz night and deliberately trying to step on his toes. I said something like I thought that people might be interested. If he wished to give out flyers for Sandbar Jazz at an O'Shea's night, I would not have a problem with that. I cannot remember what was said after that but he acted rude and aggressively towards me. In all fairness, it might have been tactless of me to give out flyers at his night. I should have asked him first. He might have said no. I was being put under pressure by the venue to boost audiences. It was done out of naivety, not spite.

Laurence no longer acknowledged me whenever we crossed paths in college. However, he was chair of the student union. When I had the opportunity to put on a Diáspora gig and invite all of the students, I emailed him to ask if he might post an ad on the student message board.

​His response was (reconstruction):
Funny that you no longer acknowledge me whenever we cross paths in college and now you are asking me a favour.
My response was (reconstruction):
I am not asking you a favour, I am asking you to perform your duty as chair of the student union. But no worries if you cannot do it, I will invite everyone on Facebook anyway.
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11/14/08, 9:44 AM
Laurence sent November 14, 2008
Sandbar Jazz is every Tuesday night.
Why did you change the night of yours?
Don't understand why you wouldn't want a gig, but there you go.

Laurence sent November 14, 2008
Just to be clear. 
It's definitely not cool to step on people's toes like this.

11/14/08, 1:35 PM
You sent November 14, 2008
Hi
I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes. I changed the night to tuesday because monday night clashes with the matt&phreds jam and solum&grundys jam. It doesn't stop people going to Sandbar jazz if they wish.
Besides, my night is not specifically aimed at a jazz audience, so it shouldn't detract from your night.
If you want, I am happy to discuss this with you in person - perhaps after class on a wednesday.
Best wishes,
Rory.

12/1/08, 12:33 AM
Laurence sent December 1, 2008
Rory,
Seeing as I'm NOT a member of the group, it means that you have invited me intentionally.
I'm going to do my best at not getting cross, but are you stupid or something??
I run a jazz night every Tuesday at Sandbar, so just in terms of logistics, it's IMPOSSIBLE for me to attend your night.
Second, well, just stop pissing on my fire, it's doing my head in.
I don't want a reply, I just want you to leave me alone.
Thank you.
Laurence

12/4/08, 11:16 PM
You sent December 4, 2008
Don't take it personally, you just happen to be on certain lists that I use to invite people en mass.
I've removed you from my list, so it shouldn't bother you anymore, and please feel free to just ignore any future invites or messages.

Comments are closed.
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    Journal

    ​​I have been recommended to acknowledge and process all that I have been though, where it all started from how it has affected me.

    ​Write out a timeline of all the things in life that have bashed me.


    ​To lay some ghosts. It means to put stuff in your past so that it does not bother you anymore.

    This journal is a written record of the journey that I have been on through depression and social anxiety. It is a tool that I am using to pinpoint my triggers, identify and label any recurring patterns in my thinking so that I can better understand - and hopefully appreciate - myself.

    The underpinning in all of this is relationships and low self-esteem.


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